Now, one danger with a group of parents that have such diverse backgrounds and strong opinions is a "flame war". This is a term I had never heard before the Internet. I accidentally started a "flame war" on that list when I asked if the Louise Woodward "Nanny Murder" case, had made any working parents reconsider their options for childcare. (Louise Woodward was a 19-year-old British nanny accused in 1997 of second degree murder in the shaking death of eight-month-old Matthew Eappen.) Unfortunately, this question provoked a "Stay-at-Home Parents vs. Working Parents" argument. On the positive side, this question also led to some excellent discussions.
One issue we discussed is whether the Women's Movement of the 1960's has ultimately limited the options available to mothers, and fathers as well. While in the 1950's it was almost unheard of for mothers to work outside of the home, we have now come to the point where stay-at-home moms feel like they need to defend their decision to stay at home to raise their children. And, some parents who work outside of the home and would rather stay home can no longer afford to do so. We truly live in a two-income economy.
Christine, a member of the parents mailing list, wrote the following email, which I am reprinting a portion of here, with her permission:
- "...about supermom. Three years ago that was me. I had
a three year old and a 1 year old, worked nearly full-time, took classes at
college, took care of my house, husband, etc. Everything suffered. I got
poor grades, was having problems at my job, my husband and I fought and the
list goes on. The result of this was that due to a prolonged post partum
depression (which my psychiatrist refused to diagnose) and other external
stress I literally suffered SUPERMOM MELTDOWN. I had to realize that I could
not do it all. Some things were bound to suffer if things didn't change. Now
I'm a stay at home mom with three boys. I attend college full-time, trying
to finish my degree (even though they have no intention of returning to work until my
sons are in school). Being a SAHM is difficult. There are always things to
be done and pretty much no one tells you good job (like when you have a job
your performance is reviewed). But, my husband and I decided to have these
kids and they deserve to have their parents at home with them. We sacrifice
a lot for me to stay home. But it is worth it."
Now, while I realize there are many working mothers who truly enjoy working outside of the home, I wonder how many more feel like Christine did when she was working full-time. Like I asked above, is this liberation?