Failed Expectations and Unexpected Peace
One woman's story of the transition from working out of the home to stay at home motherhood.
by: Marsha Hall
I never even considered staying at home with my daughter. I was educated and informed, and for four years, I didn't think I needed to. My reading revealed that children who attend daycare are as healthy and well-adjusted as children who stay home with a parent. I believed that Jessy's social and academic skills would be stronger. I did my homework and located good day care providers. Jessica consistently affirmed my beliefs. She was always affectionate but never clingy. She loved her baby-sitter, she loved the other children, she was a happy child. Her mental and physical development was always 2-3 months ahead of the norm.
Routines were established, and I told friends and family how Jessy enjoyed having "her own little life". I marveled at the day care providers, wondering how they could spend fourteen hours a day or more surrounded by children. I enjoyed my nine hours of adult conversation and intellectual stimulation.
Something was missing and I didn't know what it was. I told myself that I had an easy and affectionate relationship with my daughter, that I was a better mother when I was working because I could compartmentalize my life and be truly present for my child when I was at home. The truth is, I wasn't.
Every weekday I arrived home at nearly 6:00 p.m. I made dinner, we ate, Jessy took a bath. Every night I read two stories to her, not always because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to in order to justify the nine hours I had spent away from her that day. I adore my daughter, but some nights I was just too tired and distracted. I tried to make it up on the weekend, but on Saturdays I did laundry, grocery shopping, paid bills, and cleaned the house. I usually collapsed sometime after 8:00 p.m. On Sundays I tried to do something fun with Jessy, but I never lost the feeling that I was compensating for the rest of the week, and that put a damper on the activities.
Last year, my husband and I decided that I would quit work and stay home with our daughter. She starts school in the Fall and I really wanted that last year. We had financial concerns, but when we wrote out a budget we realized that the cash flow difference could be overcome.
Part 2: Becoming A Stay-at-Home Mother